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Actually Accepting the Seemingly Unacceptable
You know it’s going to be interesting when your counsellor starts the sentence with “the therapist in me hates to say this, but…” Last week, we had a quick cancellation appointment appointment after I...
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I’m Starting to Get Dizzy
This week has been insane. The whole unexpected adoption re-evaluation has taken up way more energy and effort then either one of us would have preferred. (Really, if I’m honest we would have preferred...
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Self Compassion & Care
I am hard on myself. I always have been. Before experiencing multiple miscarriages I was not very compassionate and tolerant. Today, after RPL, I am a much more compassionate person. Today, I encourage...
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I Am a Pretty Perfect Version of Me
I’m a pretty good person. I don’t often acknowledge this fact. In fact, I often down play it. . I am grounded in reality. I have immense inner strength to have survived so much loss. I believe I am...
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Crazy Comparison & Self-Doubt
The other day I caught myself wondering, do our lost babies count? Does my suffering count? I know, crazy thinking, right? But hear me out. So many women/couples try 8 or 9 or even 12 pregnancies...
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What Does Failure Mean To Me?
Yesterday a fellow blogger (Tales of a 30 year Old Nothing) asked a question of herself and therefore readers like me – what does failure mean to you? This question ignited a conversation between Mr....
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A Realization
When we were actively living through each of our losses I saw a counsellor at least once a month. Sometimes more. Mr. MPB even came with me. Heck, I think he even went once or twice on his own. Our...
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A Sobering Moment
Mr. MPB and I went out to run some errands the other day. A route we rarely take, to a destination we rarely go to. We were driving on a busy 6 lane freeway during rush hour. We noticed a young women...
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Obsessively Internalizing
I mentioned a few weeks ago that I’ve sort of gone incognito when it comes to my counsellor. Life’s been busy and I forgot to make an appointment. Or maybe I chose not to? Or maybe I decided to try...
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Feeling Ganged Up On
So, we went to a couples counselling appointment the other day. Usually these are pretty good for us. In fact, we often have fun at them. (I know, who says that?!) Seriously though, usually we just...
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A Beautiful Life Reminder
Today I felt the need to share a video that spoke to me on a very personal level. In the last few years I have been working really hard to re-wire my brain to start living in a whole new way. My goals...
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When Talking Is Just Too Hard
Dad, I’m writing this letter because I don’t know how else to talk to you. Over the years I’ve tried talking, and it’s never worked. So, today, I’m trying a new route, a route that will allow me to say...
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The Accident
One day my life changed. That day will forever be know as The Accident or The Car Accident. Living members of my family, myself included, uses both terms interchangeably. But it is always one of...
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Do You Forgive Him?
A long time ago, over 18 years ago, an elderly gentleman missed a stop sign. His truck was travelling at about 110 km/hr (65mph). My family, in a much smaller car, was also travelling at the same right...
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The Accident of Recurrent Pregnancy Loss
As I mentioned the other day at my most recent appointment with my counsellor we had an amazing conversation. In many ways, it was life alternating with at least one pretty big realization about the...
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When Will The Pain Ever Stop?
Do I have to carry this pain with me forever? When will it stop? When will I be able to just live, like all the normal people out there who aren’t coping with the death of their mom and sister their...
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Grief Is Not Linear
Last week was a bit intense from an emotional perspective which meant my writing was intense. It seemed as though I had a lot of big questions, massive thoughts and epic realizations that were filling...
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Forgiveness
Forgiveness has been on my mind lately. As I wrote about forgiving the individual who accidentally ran a stop sign that resulted in the death of my mom and sister, I started to think about my...
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Moving On
It’s been a really heavy last week and a bit. My mind has been processing some pretty big things. Not in a depressed way, just in a lot of self-reflection and thought kind of way. But, I have to...
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Hoping To Make A Difference
I was recently asked to participate in a Canadian study on mental health during and after infertility treatments. I was intrigued by the study. But, honestly, I wasn’t sure that I wanted to...
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